The suspension technician rarely has an open workshop, in this intimate monologue he tells you why, and why his therapist knows your name.

Most suspension service centers are not open for visitors. There are many reasons for that.  I prefer you put your tired shocks and forks in a box and mail it to me instead. It makes my life easier. 

At least that is the idea. Big part of the concept is that you put a note in the box, to let me know what you would like me to do with the tired and abused piece of junk you sent me. Yes, I know, you called / emailed / DM-ed me about it. Guess what, you’re not the only one. 

Don’t worry. I know you’re really busy, only human and staring at excel sheets at your non-essential office job fried your brain. I know you’ll contact me after a few weeks or so. Just add a nice IPA or some complicated fresh roasted coffee beans in the box next time and thou art forgiven.

A big reason why my doors are firmly shut is because I know myself. I am a person of knowledge, facts and details. And I can’t help myself from giving you a lecture on suspension tuning, options and the latest upgrades. I know you’ll still suck as a rider just as much as me but before I know it I am yappin’ away for a good 45 minutes. Can’t charge you for the time and although I don't want to sound like some Wall Street ‘Time is money’ YUP, in the end I am doing this job because I am passionate about not starving to death.

Front door locked, packages opened, tools out (in alphabetical order of course). Time to put on the latest Downtime podcast and get to work. Precise, methodical and with full focus I get to it. Making sure no o-ring gets lost, no shim gets bent and no bolt gets rounded. Can’t do that with people randomly walking in all the time.

Sometimes though, you already rounded the bolts for me. How kind of you. Of course you can’t know that the hex key set you bought at the euro/pound/dollar store is a useless piece of crap. And it makes total sense to use an old wobbly adjustable wrench when you don’t have the right socket. Seeing these things physically hurt me. If you ever sent me one of those, there is a big chance my therapist knows your name.

It gets even better when people bend the truth. Or as I like to call it, lie. It might be ok in your generic marketing content creation engagement influencer management position to alter reality. Heck the better of a truth bender you are, the higher your bonus usually is. 

But if you request a small service as the fork has only done a few rides, it won’t be long before the ugly truth arises. Mechanical objects don’t lie. They tell you a detailed tale of use, abuse and maintenance. Or lack of it. 

They will be the first to openly confess if they are past their service interval, or if someone used the pressure washer after every ride. Yes. I CAN tell.

Now if I was to let people in my workshop, it would mean that the following scenario would play out on a regular basis. I open up your forks. See the service is at least 18 months overdue, all seals are dead and there is enough gunk inside to sculpt you an ashtray. 

I would give you a call to give you the jolly news your bill just doubled and you would hurry down to the shop to have a nice little chat. You’d stand there lying through your teeth that the last service was done 6 months ago or that I should give you a discount because you have lots of followers on Instagroan. For someone who likes to work with his hands, this is as bad as it gets. 

With the no visitor system I cleverly put in place, we avoid all this chit chat and prevent my therapist bills to push me into bankruptcy. Depending on my mood, if you put your contact details or a chocolate bribe in the box I will pick one of the two ways to deal with the situation. 

Option one, I will email you about the state of your parts, with an explanation of the extra work needed and extra costs involved. I’ll work a little longer at the end of the day to get your forks back in time before that trip to the bikepark and add some cool stickers of my company in the box. 

Option two. I will repair your forks to the highest possible standard. Even the FOX or RockShox assembly worker wouldn't be able to tell, if it just rolled off the production line or not. When adding everything up, even I felt a little dizzy when seeing the total amount. Once you’ve transferred the ransom, I’ll make sure your box arrives on the day you’re supposed to be doing laps in the park.

No matter which option you end up getting, don’t worry. I don’t hold a grudge. The next time you send in your stuff to be service we start with a clean slate. 

Oh and in case you are wondering if your suspension needs servicing, the answer is yes. While you’re at it, send us the dropper post too. And some cookies.

By IMB

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